Hearing Loss Antidotes:
Follies and Foibles
Copyright © March, 2004
--A recent discussion was overheard on Forum concerning the use of answering machine messages. Eve Neuhaus, wrote:
" For Monday night dinner, I ask that people email me because what is the point of leaving an unintelligible name on the answering machine, but it's hard to break habits. Tonight I am already expecting, Mffhhh and Hhhhmmmfff to come and I think Shhmmmffss are not coming."
To which Sssandra replied: "I hope you get the whole thing settled soon! That's terrible - I expect she can't make it because of the wwwwmghh?"
Eve: "That's exactly it! But I think Mffhh is bringing someone new named Wrrnnmm or maybe that's the dish she's bringing?"
Helen, surprised by the familiarity commented, "My gosh, you know the Shhmmmffss's too? That couple really gets around. What a small world!"
By Eve Neuhaus
Some time in the middle of the night I'm woken abruptly by an intermittent sound: bang, pause, bang, pause, bang. Uh oh, I think, Linnea must be pounding on the door trying to wake us up for some bad reason.
"Hello? Hello?" I say. "Who's there?" I can't tell if someone answers at the door or not. The pounding stops.
"Mmhhr hrmmww-ing," Tom says.
"What? Hello? Is someone at the door? Did someone answer me?" I ask Tom.
"Mhmm erh awwk-ING!" he repeats.
"Talking? I was talking? In my sleep? No, I wasn't. Someone banged on the door."
"COUGHING!! YOU - WERE - COUGHING!"
"No, I wasn't. I just woke up because of the noise."
"NO! I - ME - I WAS COUGHING."
"Oh, " I say, "is that all?" And we go back to sleep.
And then at breakfast, Linnea says, "So what were you guys shouting about at five in the morning? You woke the animals up and I had to let them out."
Personally, I think it was the dog at the door the whole time and Tom dreamed he was coughing.
On another evening at Eve's home:
Tom and Eve are sitting on the swing on the balcony outside our bedroom dead exhausted from all those guests.
Eve:You're stuck? What do you mean? Where?
Tom:I said it's dark out here.
Eve:In California? You mean you're stuck here? We'll never leave California because you got tenure? I thought you meant you were stuck to the swing.
Tom: I said IT'S DARK, not I'm stuck.
Eve: I'm cold.
They snuggle and don't talk anymore.
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